It's you...

Saturday, 28 November 2015

I know my anxiety comes out a lot and sometimes without anything obvious to provoke it, but you have incredible patience and supportiveness of me and my feelings, and wellbeing. Baby, you don’t realise how much you mean to me, and you don’t see my admiration and adoration for you, the way I fall in love with you more and more everyday.

You accept me for all the sunshine and the darkness and don’t hold judgment or resentment for who I am, who I’ve become or what I have been through. You challenge me everyday to be a better person and to remain motivated through my mental and physical exhaustion. You are my strength and guide through the deepest ditches and the highest mountain tops. You cheer me on and cheer me up. You let me cry, and you wipe my tears away when I can’t anymore. You kiss away my worries and hold me through nightmares and or sleepless nights.

I can talk about happy memories that I’ll never have within a physical reach again, and I can vent about the bad and hurtful ones without feeling guilty or unsafe or like I’m reliving it anymore. I recognize my thoughts and can better differentiate between them and reality where I am now and where I want to go. And I want nothing more than to stand by your side and have you be the one holding my hand through it all.

You are my best friend for life, and the love of my life, for endless and wordless reasons. You give me my hope and make me actually want to see the sunshine and breathe fresh air again. You make me want to pursue my individual dreams as well as continue to build our dream future together we’ve anticipated and planned on for years. Through all the hardships, whether if they directly involve our relationship or our own personal situations, I know we can conquer it all together. I know that we can have the life we’ve always dreamed of.

I know I can become stronger and happier with myself as a person, and continue being the girl you first fell in love with. You are the man I first fell in love with back then, but I see such growth, such purity, and courage and patience, and love. We have matured so much as human beings through our life experiences both apart and together. We have released our inner child-like selves and have been able to embrace and enjoy the smallest of pleasures in life.

So yes, even through my depression and anxiety, through my mood swings and days where I can’t get out of bed or wear a smile & my heart always has a smile. When I tell you that you always make me happy, I don’t just say that for the hell of it. You are all of my joy and passion for life and for another human being that I never thought I could ever possibly feel in my whole lifetime. You are my home. The love of my life for a thousand years. I love you till the end of the ever-expanding universe and for infinity and beyond.